Everyone has heard of the Chuck Norris facts. Over the past few months, they have started to become ridiculous, and finding a list of good ones is nearly impossible. I’ve read through hundreds upon hundreds of horrible ones to put together a list of fifteen of my favorites.
Feel free to post one of your own favorites into the comments.
15. Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
14. Chuck Norris was originally cast as Jack Bauer in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.
13. Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay’s potato chip.
12. M.C. Hammer learned the hard way that Chuck Norris can touch this.
11. Chuck Norris sleeps with every woman in the world once a month. They bleed for a week as a result.
10. Chuck Norris doesn’t have hair on his testicles, because hair does not grow on steel.
9. Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
8. If you work in an office with Chuck Norris, don’t ask him for his three-hole-punch.
7. The quickest way to a man’s heart is with Chuck Norris’ fist.
6. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
5. Chuck Norris won’t ever get a heart attack, because a heart knows better than to attack Chuck Norris.
4. Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.
3. Chuck Norris does not “teabag” the ladies. He “Potato-Sacks” them.
2. There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
1. Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
Some others worth mentioning:
“When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.”
“Chuck Norris isn’t afraid of the dark, the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.”
“If you want to have meet and greet with Chuck Norris, just kneel down and pray….He will answer.”
“Chuck Norris created the giraffe he kicked a horse under his chin…”
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