Five Pointless Rules All Romantic Comedies Adhere To
Tuesday, 29 April 2008
The summer movie season officially kicks off this weekend, which means that for the next four months, Hollywood will be filling our movie theaters with lots of superheroes, car chases, pointless explosions -- and romantic comedies for the ladies whose boyfriends promised them they could pick the next movie if they could please just see Iron Man first.
How do the Hollywood studios keep up with the demand for this light and fluffy blockbuster counter-programming? The answer is simple. For the most part, they crank out romantic comedies from quick and easy paint-by-numbers scripts. Then they convince one of six women -- Julia Roberts, Meg Ryan, Sandra Bullock, Kate Hudson, Cameron Diaz or Drew Barrymore -- to play the leading lady. Next they ring up one of five men -- Hugh Grant, Matthew McConaughey, John Cusack, John Corbett or Dermot Mulroney -- and decide whose image will look the prettiest next to the girl on the pastel-colored poster. If the plot calls for the leading lady to choose between two men, they will also hire James Marsden to play the guy who gets dumped. The studio will then send them all to a Canadian city that they can pass off as New York, and a few months later, the summer's next big rom-com is in the bag.
Every once in a while, we'll get a fresh and original rom-com treat, like last summer's indie hit Waitress, but for the most part, this is how it works. The casting, the location (apparently people only fall in love in New York, London, or L.A.) and the lead characters' ethnically diverse best friends all start to look awfully familiar once you've seen a few of these films. Even the plots always contain the same basic elements. Here are five rules that all rom-coms adhere to:
1. They have to hate each other first: When Harry met Sally, neither made a good first impression on each other. In You've Got Mail, Tom Hanks was the corporate jerk who drove Meg Ryan's children's bookstore out of business before they realized they were secret online buddies. In this week's DVD release, 27 Dresses, James Marsden offends Katherine Heigl with his cynical attitude towards marriage. And in next week's new release What Happens in Vegas, Cameron Diaz and Ashton Kutcher try everything in their power to get each other to end their alcohol-induced marriage. Apparently rom-com writers are trying to emulate Shakespeare, in that they are constantly trying to steal his notion of "my only love sprung from my only hate."
2. Only one of them can know how to have fun: Usually the reason that the rom-com leads hate each other at first is that they are opposite personalities. One is usually uptight, overworked, and pragmatic bordering on cynical (like Patrick Dempsey refusing to believe in fairy tales in Enchanted). The other is carefree, romantic, and usually incapable of holding on to a job (like Isla Fisher inDefinitely, Maybe). Sometimes, the writers will think they are showcasing "female empowerment" by making the woman the uptight workaholic (see Cameron Diaz in The Holiday, Drew Barrymore in Fever Pitch). Apparently, movie audiences need constant reminders that opposites attract. Personally, I think Paula Abdul covered this subject pretty definitively in the '80s. I'm ready to see more love stories about people who actually like each other.
3. The guy can't realize he loves the girl until he sees her in formal wear: In Two Weeks Notice, Sandra Bullock won over Hugh Grant with a crazy spider dress at a Halloween ball. Kate Hudson nabbed Matthew McConaughey thanks to that yellow dress in How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days. And James Marsden stopped thinking Katherine Hiegl's obsession with weddings was stupid once he watched her model those 27 Dresses. The message here is simple: ladies, if you want to find a man, just walk around in your old prom dresses.
4. Exes always come back: Those pesky former loves of our lives are always showing up and causing trouble when we least expect it, aren't they? Well, if we're a character in a romantic comedy, we know when to expect it. Our exes will show up and try to win us back just as soon as we've gotten over them, gone to a black-tie event, and fallen in love with someone we thought we hated.
5. Feelings of love can never be admitted to: As amazing as they both look in their formal wear, our couple can never admit they are in love with each other at a convenient moment. They have to wait until after they've had a big fight (often caused by those rabble-rousing exes), and the offended party leaves to visit a sick family member, get back together with their own ex, or take a job in a far away land (usually Paris). It's only then that their would-be lover realizes the error of his/her ways, hails a cab, gets stuck in traffic, gets out of the cab and steals a child's bike or hijacks an ice cream truck to get to the airport and declare his/her love just in time to delay the flight for all those poor not-in-love passengers.
So there you have it. Have I cracked the rom-com formula, or are there other rules I've missed out on? And how long do you think it will take for Ryan Reynolds and Katherine Heigl to find permanent places on the rom-com most wanted list?
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