Usually the news that a geek project isn’t happening or that a series will not continue is a time for geeks to hang their heads in sorrow and weep for the movies that will never be. In this case however, it is a time for celebration. You see, it looks like Fox is done making Fantastic Four movies. And this little fanboy couldn’t be happier.
Fantastic Four sucked. Fantastic Four Rise: of the Silver Surfer sucked even worse. Usually, I try to avoid using such simpleton phrases as “sucked." Sometimes I’ll dress it up a bit with the addition of the word “hard," but mostly I feel a truly bad movie deserves a truly spiteful epitaph. But movies like Fox’s weak, anemic Fantastic Four just plain suck. There are no buts about it. These lame, unimaginative send-ups of the classic comic book characters were treated more like parodies of superhero movies then they were actual superhero movies. If one were to judge by quality control alone, one would get the distinct impression that Fox couldn’t wait for this box office craze to end so they could move on.
But since even the bad ones make tons of money it looks like there is no end in sight, except for the Fantastic Four. Boys, cue up Ding Dong the Witch is Dead and get ready to cut a rug around your bedroom. This lame-train has finally run its course. Crappy-looking The Thing? Gone. Mutant Victor Von Doom? Gone. Don’t-call-me-Latina Sue Storm? Gone. Giant cloud Galactus? Way gone. This series is dead, just as I hoped and prayed it would be.
Now, the big question is, how long until we can start over? My guess is that this question will be answered this summer when the new Incredible Hulk reboot (starring Ed Norton) hits theaters. In a rare turn of events, a superhero character is getting restarted just a few years after its last incarnation. They’re pretending the previous film never happened and are hoping we’ll do the same. If it works, it could mean a whole new Hulk series after the last false start.
And if that works out, look for Marvel to try to get the rights to several of its franchises back with the hopes of finding someone to get them right this time around. You know, by a company that lacks an F, an O, or an X in its name. Not to try to single one company out, but the outfit that made Fantastic Four, Elektra, Daredevil and X-Men 3 deserves every bit of ribbing it gets, and it doesn’t deserve to keep making Fantastic Four movies. I mean, for the love of all that is holy, Roger Corman turned out a better film in the '90s with no budget when he was about to lose the rights. One would think that Fox could do better than a rushed, no-budget indie. But they couldn’t. Thank God for small miracles.
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