In the year 1597, a little known English playwright by the name of William Shakespeare published a poorly received romantic comedy titled Romeo and Juliet (which has systematically been remade time and again). Contained in this oft forgotten work of fiction was the phrase, "A plague o' both your houses!" How prophetic it seems now that those words have finally come to fruition. Here we stand as a nation divided, and on both our houses comes the plague of another romantic comedy. This one, starring Paris Hilton. And it's called ever so eloquently, The Hottie and the Nottie. I'll bet Shakespeare is kicking himself that he hadn't thought of that first. Little known piece of trivia: when Shakespeare spoke of plagues, he was often referring to Hilton directly.
See if this description grabs you, culled from the movie's own website:
Nate Cooper has been smitten with Cristabel Abbott since he first laid eyes on her at the impressionable age of six. In the intervening years, there have been other women in Nate's life, but none who could measure up to Cristabel. Convinced Cristabel is the only girl for him, Nate decides to move back to L.A. and track her down. The good news: she's still single and stunning. The bad news: there's a reason she's still single. Cristabel's still best friends with the same ugly little girl from first grade, June Phigg. And Cristabel simply refuses to leave dear June home alone. Determined to spend as much time as possible with Cristabel, Nate sets out to find a boyfriend for June. But guys all flee at the sight of her, and it hits him: June needs a makeover. As Nate and June become friends and she emerges from her cocoon, Nate slowly realizes that the girl of his dreams may not be the hottie at all...
Ummm, uh, yeah. That's not the worst description in the world. In fact, to quote a certain animated rat film from last summer, "If you can muscle your way past the gag reflex…" But the trouble isn't the description, it's the trailer. You see, the film is a romantic comedy, laced with TONS of gross-out humor. One viewing of it is enough to turn my male, bodily humor-loving stomach. I can only imagine how a romantic comedy laced with snot bubble and rotting toenail jokes is gonna play to a crowd of women wanting to cuddle with their boyfriends. Not to mention the fact that you have to convince the audience that Paris Hilton is the ideal.
But while this is exactly the type of film that I want to snipe, I can't. Why not? Three words: Joel David Moore. He's the romantic lead. He hasn't broken out yet, but he's right there waiting to. He recently starred in Hatchet and Dodgeball, he co-wrote and starred in an indie called Spiral. But most notably he is the star of the upcoming Avatar, James Cameron's new epic. The guy is pretty talented, incredibly funny, and if anything can save this mess from itself, it's his comedic sixth sense. While this might not hit for the adult crowds, it just might play to college kids.
That said, I ain't holding my breath. Paris might be the talk of tabloids and Internet links, but she's thus far proven to be box office poison. In fact, the only thing that could make this work is if she also did the soundtrack. Wait, what? She did? Dear god. Valentine's Day may never be the same.
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